Saying 'Yes' When We Really Mean 'No'

Updated: Jul 1, 2021

How often do you say yes when you really mean no? Really. Think about it - even the smallest yes still counts. What you eat for breakfast, which way you drive to work, where you eat out with friends, what you order, what you wear, who you help on the weekends, what you volunteer for, what you watch on tv, how many of these small decisions throughout the day are you truly making for yourself?

I know for me, when this idea was brought to my attention I first believed that all the yesses in my life were mine. Because I'm a strong, capable woman, and I am in charge of my life. I would never do something I didn't want to do.....or so I thought. On the surface this is true, but where it gets tricky is when the mind takes over and tells this story about how I do actually want to do all the things I'm doing. That's why I would have reasons, explanations and justifications for many of the things I was doing in my life.

"Well I am doing this because it's part of this other thing or other plan that WE are both wanting to do. It's part of something bigger. I care so much that I understand all of the steps needed to go into working towards a larger goal".


Does this sound familiar at all? What I've learned in my journey is when I truly say yes and mean yes, there isn't a justification necessary. "Because it makes me happy", "because I want to", "this lights me up", "how fun is this?". These are now responses that show up when I become present and check in with myself on my decisions.

Here is the real kicker - when I choose yes and mean it, nobody questions it. The justifications aren't even needed or requested, because when I say yes and choose myself, I light up, I become more myself and those around me enjoy my presence and I'm never questioned as to why I'm doing what I'm doing, or why I'm not doing something different.

The approval, the justification and explanations were all in my mind.

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