When I left my past life, I also left behind a great number of items related to activities I love: camp and outdoor gear.
It wasn't worth it.
Separating items down the the detail of whose screwdriver was whose and who bought what camp stove...
Not worth it.
Material items didn't matter to me, they never had. My value as an individual and as a partner will never be about what material items I can contribute.
So starting over meant not only job/career, moving, community, friends, financials, traditions, etc... It also meant filling the gaps that were now showing up in my outdoor gear inventory.
Pans, but no stove.... Two person sleeping bag and a one person sleeping pad...
On my first trip out this spring I realized I didn't have a camp chair.
I'd liked my previous camp chair a lot. And I wanted to find a new one that had some meaning... A chair that was definitively mine, one that would join me next to campfires, under the stars and last a long time.
I found this chair online and loved it. Immediately I got self conscious... "Nobody wants to be the one with the Husqvarna bike and chair and jacket. That's so over the top".
I began talking myself out of it. "Just get a basic one and blend in, why does it matter".
I've listened to that little voice before; the one that dims the light, plays it safe and makes sure nothing is 'too much'.
Then one day I just stepped into my truth. I love my Husqvarna bike, and I want this chair, If someone makes fun of me - I don't care. I'll probably laugh right along and it won't phase me - I've also got some quick wit and can throw it right back.
So I bought the damn chair. And I'll be honest - I completely love it! (It's also insulated so my butt stays warm!)
Everytime I look at it, I am reminded that I loved myself enough to leave a relationship that wasn't for me & start over. And I love myself to step into my truth, own it and live fully - expressing my passions, taking up space - and rocking the blue and white whenever I can.
(Yes, this post is about a chair... But that chair is currently in the sand, on the beach, on the coast of California, next to my airstream that I live in with my dog).